Today, we often decide to avoid conversations that will lead to the clashing of wills. This is what we commonly term an “argument”. Since many of us have decided to avoid conflicts as a way to navigate this diverse world we have also lost a necessary means of discovering common truths. This has now created a large society of relative truths which results in either “live and let live” attitudes or violence. Violence happens when the wills of individuals feel squashed because others don’t want to listen and have “the conversation” to expose both sides of an argument.
The key to conversation is to open our vulnerabilities and in today’s climate that is becoming more difficult since we’ve becoming more unwilling to open ourselves to others for fear of being attacked. Instead we seem to spend more time attempting to conform others to social norms rather than seeking to be a “fellow traveler” in life’s journeys’.
I propose that when we don’t want to have “the conversation” we are in effect not allowing our hearts to be vulnerable. A vulnerable heart won’t build a wall around it to protect our feelings. Understanding ones heart requires for it to be exposed and this takes courage. This isn’t the same as standing up for ones principles but instead standing up for humility. This is a difficult choice. However, humility grounds us in our human condition and means we recognize we are only part of the wholeness of life not just individual self-sustaining life forms. We rely on each other and all creation for our humanity and once we truly realize that fact we then realized we need to open our hearts to hear what the conversations are telling us.
How might we start such a process? One of the first things we might do is start these conversations and that is the purpose and intent for this blog. The key to making this sort of conversation meaningful is not to be judgmental. This is hard for us to do; it’s something I struggle with constantly. So when we see judgement which many times ends conversations by putting the wall up thus closing the heart telling your inner self I don’t want to listen any longer because I have resolved for my inner self a belief to be either right or wrong, then we need to identify it as such to the individual so that they can see it for what it is.
What I would like to attempt is not to establish what’s right or wrong but discover what’s in our hearts that motivates our wills. Is it love or is it fear? Once we determine the motivators of the heart we can drill down to the sub-levels of what is objective truth and what might be relative truths. I say this because I know we can fool ourselves by seeing love as a cover-up of our inner emotions because all too often those emotions are actually driven by fear. Let me try to explain this with dependency and interdependency. Dependency is allowing another person to have more control of your choices than you have yourself. This leads to one way communication, limits any conversation and can erupt into violence (with many married couples even divorce). Whereas interdependency helps to point out that we both need to be accountable, reliable and vulnerable to each other’s needs and desires out of a defined sense of belonging through our attachment with them. Without conversation we never will get there.
Therefore when we can uncover or unpackage our inner feelings of the heart to find the motivation of our wills I believe we come to confront the inner feelings of love or fear. This binary analysis is not to be resolute but to find contemplation which is where the core of the heart converses with our consciousness and allows our vulnerable heart to grow in knowledge about ourselves and all creation.
This is my intent and why I want to open conversations on this or any topic. Please feel free to comment and participate in this experiment. My intent is to facilitate a non-judgmental focus, not to be a talking head. From time to time I might share my thoughts or prompt discussion with my comments as I too am looking to open my heart by this sharing experience.